CAN I GET AN AMEN ON RUPAUL?

There's way too many reality shows these days. We have the age old American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway and few years back we started having horrible reality shows like The Kardashian (what's their point of existence?), Teen Moms (really?), Jersey Shore and all of the Real Housewives series. I've heard of this particular reality show but never bothered to actually go and watch it till a friend of mine, Soyer told me "how can you be gay when you don't watch RuPaul's Drag Race?" And so I did and I've been hooked ever since.

RuPaul's Drag Race is well, a drag race. Think America's Next Top Model meets American Idol meets Britney Spears (for the lip-sync part except they do it better). Each week, contestants are given challenges such as creating a look out of anything they can find from a designated area, coming up with a glamorous look, superhero/villain look, well just think of everything that is spectdragcular.And unlike eliminations in other reality shows, these drag superstars are required to...in the words of RuPaul, lip-sync for their lives and don't fuck it up.

The show features few of RuPaul's more well known tracks and though RuPaul abuses auto-tune more than Ke$ha ever will, it's still fun to boogie around. You gotta werk that ass.

Go get yourself some of RuPaul's Drag Race and I can guarantee you that you'll be hooked! Well, you will be if you like dramas, men calling each other bitches for the sake of calling, bitches reading one another (and in drag term, reading does not involve a book) and bitches calling out one another on their act. 

As the show progress, you really gain a deeper understanding on drag and also the respect for these people putting on their art into life. It's really good for the LGBT community. Can I get an AMEN?!

Season 5 of RuPaul's Drag Race premieres January 28th, 2013.

Season 1 Winner, Bebe Zahara Benet

Season 2 Winner, Tyra Sanchez
(original male photo not available)

Season 3 Winner, Raja
(looks familiar? That's cause he's the makeup artist throughout ANTM)

Season 4 Winner, Sharon Needles

All Stars Season Winner, Chad Michaels
(spitting image of CHER!)

MY ALL TIME Favorite Drag Superstar, Raven
(runner-up for both Season 2 and All Stars)

SHINE BRIGHt, LIKE A DIAMOND.

Here I am, 2 years later, still very much alive and re-planning my phuneral. Why? Cause things change over the years but some details remain the same, the changes are mainly due to the song choices. You may think I'm a whack but I take pleasure in nonsense like this. It's pretty much and people do enjoy it. So, let's start talking bout the death of me. I still wish to be alive for many years to come so let's hope God don't pull the trigger just yet. I ain't 'kiasu' but I am 'kiasi'.

If you receive this in your email, Facebook or in your mail-box, then you are invited to come. It's an exclusive phuneral for people closest to me only. I can't be having strangers or people I don't like attending cause if so, I'd be wanting to get out of my casket. My very Victorian-esque casket, think Vampire Diaries. Like, give the bitch some peace y'all!

The phuneral will be at an outdoor garden area. Color settings will still be the same as previous plans, RED, WHITE & BLACK. There will be a mix of black and white roses around my beautifully crafted casket. The reds will come in the seating as well as the drinks served. I want the wine or whatever alcohol served to be bloody red. And please, if you look unflattering in white, do come in black. I do not want you to look so unattractive that you make my phuneral look unattractive.

As the guests comes in, the pianist will play and sing to Die Young, Ke$ha. Once everyone is seated, the priest will begin his prayers and there will be Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys playing in the background. After the procession and the tons of prayers and crying, guests will proceed to queue up to have one last look at me, laying peacefully in my casket (to avoid any mishap), Anything Could Happen, Ellie Goulding will be playing and you will cry for me, bitches!

Here comes the eulogies. As my life-partner presents his eulogy, Popular Song, Mika plays softly in the background  As he slowly proceeds into how we met, We Found Love, Rihanna will be playing. Then he will talk about how we fell in love, S&M, Rihanna will be playing, followed by Fight For This Love, Cheryl Cole. Onto the subject of him cheating on me, Judas, Lady Gaga will be played. Then he talked about how I gave the OTHER guy the bitch-lesson of his life for trying to steal my man, Stupid Hoe, Nicki Minaj plays. As he speaks about how kind and forgiving I was to take him back, Want U Back, Cher Lloyd plays. He later explains how he loved me so much and Origin Of Love, Mika plays. Considering he has been with me till the end of my time, he will be telling everyone about our lives together. As juicy details about our sex lives is being spilled, Monster, Lady Gaga (cause we pillage and ransacked each other's 'lands.') plays and later on, he explains about my career and success in later life, Beautiful Dirty Rich, Lady Gaga plays. He reveals all the hardship we went through to get to where we are today, Government Hooker, Lady Gaga plays. I know that he will always be the one that be with me till the end, at this time The Edge Of Glory, Lady Gaga plays.

As we proceed, its time for someone to talk about my childhood and growing up. Born This Way plays very loudly but only the chorus part. As my childhood is being described, I Want It All, Kat Graham plays. As insecure as I was at times, people know I am who I am (Only Girl In The World, Rihanna plays). Describing my night life, Dance in the Dark plays. A slide show portraying my hardship to success plays alongside Primadonna, Marina & The Diamonds.

Now, the phuneral takes a breather (no pun intended) and guests are served with bloody red wine and cupcakes that says B.I.T.C.H. The waiters are strictly hunks clad in nothing but a bow tie and a very tight black boxer short shorts. I also forgot to mention that the ushers are clad in tuxedos (normal, right?). The Queen plays throughout the break.

 Last words from my life-partner came as he said I 'expired' a happy person, Blow Me (One Last Kiss), P!nk plays because it was revealed I died while we were doing some heavy 'cardio.'


As the phuneral ends, the priest will ask everyone again for a moment of silent and pray for me as they lay my casket down, six-feet under and that is when the ultimate track will play. As they lower down my casket, Diamonds by Rihanna plays and that concludes the service.

Guests can now leave feeling disturbed and phuneral favors are at the exit.

I SEE YOUR TRUE COLOR(S)

Malaysia is a multi-racial country, NOT Islamic country and so we are all bound to bump into many different antics from all these races. This post may be a tad bit sensitive to some and I am sorry if it offends you but it is all for the sake of info-sharing. C'mon, making a joke or two about races doesn't make you a racist. So, let's chill and have a laugh.

MALAYS:

The Malays are divided into 2 types. There are those who are very well educated or have received education. They are very fun to have a conversation with and they have common sense and also they do not make you feel like as if you want to judge them. These are the people that you can usually hang out with and are glad because they are much more open-minded. Then there are those who only knows how to 'rempit' and wolf-whistle. These, I'll just leave them at that. The Malays are very friendly and they tend to talk to you like they've known you for ages. Some find it annoying but it is their culture.

INDIANS:

The Indians are very friendly. Extremely friendly...to other Indians. You will see them in eateries, supermarkets, wet markets talking to each other like they are relatives but the fact is that, they've only met today. There are also 2 types of Indians. There are those who are the well educated, who enjoys a proper conversation and then there are Indians who talks so fast that there's no comma whatsoever. Even the fullstop is on their forehead. Not only they talk fast but they talk loud. You see these types of Indians talking and you think that they are fighting or someone had just slept with their husband when in truth, they were just chit-chatting.

CHINESE:

The Chinese most definitely have their types. You have the Chinese who are also well educated who carries proper, structured and conversation that makes sense and you have the Chinese which us, Chinese label as Pig-Dog a.k.a 'TuKao'. Nuff said.

Now, in the fast pacing world of 2012, another 'race' has emerged from the abyss of humanity. This race, they are called The Gays.

THE GAYS:

They are either a very quite bunch or a very dumb bunch. The quite bunch are usually the smart ones or the ones that observe while the dumb bunch are the ones that ask questions and all their questions are such a mournful sound. The dumb ones likes to ask questions like 'When is your last sex?' The sentence itself is disturbing. Shouldn't it be 'When was the last time you had sex?' but still, it's none of anybody's concern, no? They also like to ask if you like guys or if you are gay or bisexual. Well, they just like questions in general.

Put all these races together in a bus and this is what you will get;

MALAYS :- Playing their mp3 out loud on their phone like as if everybody in the bus would enjoy their taste in music.

INDIANS :- They'd be talking to the person next to them or opposite of them like they are relatives or close friends but they are actually...strangers.

CHINESE :- They do nothing except plug in their earphones and space out. Occasionally they sing out loud thinking nobody can hear them.

THE GAYS :- They don't talk, they don't do anything apart from trying to figure out who is gay in the bus. And once they managed to spot one of their kind, they stare.

PLEASE, DON'T.

We as humans, have rights but just because we have rights don't always make it right for us to wear certain things especially when it concerns people with bigger size. Just a heads up, this is not a post to make fun of people of bigger size. I myself, am not the average Joe size so hey, if I am poking fun then it's me I am poking fun at.

When it comes to clothing and style, it can be quite tricky if you are not a regular sample size person. Yes, big is beautiful, big is bold, big is brave, beauty is in the eye of beholder and God made us all beautiful. Those craps aside, you do want to look good, right? You can be fat and fabulous but please don't go making all the wrong decisions on what to wear. Instead of wearing what to wear, fat people tend to wear what NOT to wear. *Sorry for the lack of images in this post as they can be a tad bit too offensive.

HORIZONTAL STRIPES

Oh Lord, no. This is one of the biggest mistake that fat people make. Horizontal print makes you look even wider than you already are so stop buying those horizontal print tees no matter how much you like them. Hey, I love stripes and all those sailor-themed clothes but you can't because of your size. Kill those horizontal stripes, opt for vertical stripes IF you must have stripes in your wardrobe. Vertical ones elongates your body instead of widen it like horizontal.

ANIMAL PRINTS

Let's just say you wouldn't want the hunter mistaken you for an animal? Plus, they are kinda yesterday?

TUBE TOPS

Girls, please...do not and I repeat, do not obstruct traffic with those overflowing flabs that are screaming to come out due to being hugged by that piece of tube top you are wearing. The world has enough natural disasters as it is that we don't need a man-made (or woman-made) disaster.

SINGLETS

Men, please...no. The rule to wearing a singlet is that you MUST at least have a visible collar bone to put on a singlet. If you don't have, just cover it all up.

SHORT SHORTS

These shorts looks real gay but other than that, if it is on a fat person, you just draw attention to you thighs. Then you rant and be emo about it. You were asking for it, no?

SPANDEX/TIGHTS

For the love of God, stop trying to squeeze your fats out with spandex. Yes, wearing oversized clothes can make you look bigger but that doesn't give you the free-pass to wear an extremely body hugging piece of clothing. Just find something of your size that you feel comfortable in, not something that will make people stare at you. Being above the average size, we hate to be stared at.

THONGS

This is a crime. When you are fat, you don't show your thong. You, instead, show your butt crack or butt fats so please stay away from thongs.

SKINNY JEANS

Just because it's called skinny jeans don't mean it will make you look slimmer. Even skinny people look bad in skinny jeans. 

LAYERING

When you are above the average size, you HAVE to stay away from layering. Even an additional layer will make you look thicker than you already are. One piece is enough. Don't go put on a undershirt, a jacket and a scarf. That just screams fashion murder.

TUCKING IN

Don't attempt to tuck in your clothes inside as it makes your waistline even more obvious and also don't try to tuck in your jeans into your ankle high shoes, it will never fit.

SMALL BAGS

No, when you are big, you don't carry teeny tiny bag thinking you are Tinkerbell. Just stay with something medium or large in size. Big bags are in, you can even stuff skinny bitches inside if they stare.

Also, don't moan and grieve over how clothes looks good on mannequins and models because EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD ON THEM. They are not human!

Unfortunately, no but just wear things that are right for your body size.

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS

There once was a time. A time where BOY BANDS ruled the world of pop music. More than 10 years has passed and the world was peaceful with solo music and country bands. Now, the world has yet another era to digest and to acknowledge. The second wave of BOY BAND ERA. The Boy Band era has been proved to be dangerous as girls screams before they speak, shouts with each sight of their beloved boy band's posters and they sing and sing and sing to the tunes even if they can't sing. Yes, that age has strike once again. Humanity is left to fend against The Boy Bands. Though most of the Boy Bands back then were carefully exorcised, well...they all just vanished into thin air, the world of pop music has never given up on the search for THE NEXT BOY BAND.

The year, 2012. 3 Boy Bands were discovered and they are on the loose with their pop, heart-melting music.

ONE DIRECTION
5 Years Later: NO DIRECTION?

THE WANTED
5 Years Later: THE UNWANTED?

BIG TIME RUSH
5 Years Later: NO RUSH?

Over the years, we've learnt that few things usually takes place with boy bands.

#1. One or more will leave to pursue a solo career and fail miserably.

#2. After one or more left, they will start arguing.

#3. Public statements will be made that someone wants more solos in their MVs.

#4. They will come out and start ANOTHER boy band (the horror)

#5. One or more will come out from the closet after many many years.

REMEMBER THEM?

WESTLIFE
GOD-FATHER OF BOY BANDS
Where are they now: One left the band for a solo career to have an epic failed career instead while one came out of the closet - MARK FEEHILY. Still singing but does only COVERS.

N'SYNC
JT'S HAIR!
Where are they now: Props to JT for making it quite big with the solo career while one came out of the closet - LANCE BASS

BLUE
EVERY SONG IS ABOUT SEX FOR THEM
Where are they now: Three tried solo career to fall flat while one came out of the closet as a bisexual - DUNCAN JAMES

BACKSTREET BOYS
FATHER OF ALL BOY BANDS
Where are they now: Two tried a solo career to fail. Two or more suspected to be gay but none came out.

BITCHING 101: PHILOSOPHY & COMPONENTS

BITCH. One of the most complicated word in the English language as it was an insult but most of us carries the title out and proud these days. A bitch originally means a lewd, malicious, irritating woman (as in being a dog in heat) but in today's world, some women has self-identify themselves as bitches to indicate that they are strong, assertive and independent. A son of a bitch is generally a despicable or otherwise hateful man, but can also mean a dear friend who has done something impressive or clever. If something is bitchin’ it is deemed to be particularly cool or in-style, but if a person is bitching they are complaining or whining. To be someone’s bitch is to be his or her servant or slave, to sit in the bitch seat is to sit in the under-sized seat in the middle of a car, to bitch slap is to strike with an open palm. Bitch might have originally meant a female dog, but now it can indicate anything from slapstick humor to scathing insult or even an identity.

To be or to be called a bitch may not necessarily be a bad thing in today's world so if someone close to you calls you a bitch, say thank you and start acting like one.

"THE BITCH PHILOSOPHY"

"I intend to do what I want, be whom I want to be, say what I want to and answer 

only to myself: that is, quite simply.

So, are you bitch enough in today's cutthroat world of bitch-bite-bitch-head-off world? You see, being a bitch is really simply. There are only few components involved and it is really, to put it in the most appropriate manner; effortless.

#1. BE BLUNT

Being honest and being blunt are two different act. Being honest means you are truthful to people but with a slight tinge of politeness or niceness. It's sugar-coated. Being BLUNT, however, means you go straight to the point and if it scratches that person's feelings, too bad then. If that makes you or me a bitch, so be it.

#2. BE PICKY

We have all been through those times where people say 'Oh, you're too picky'. Well, it doesn't hurt to be picky or 'high maintenance'. When you are being picky, the feelings that are hurt aren't yours and if you are 'high maintenance', it comes from your own and not these people who can't stop yapping. At least you won't get stepped on if you actually voice your opinion about what you like and don't like.

#3. BE MEAN (GENERALLY)

This is the easiest of all the components to be a B-I-T-C-H. You just have to be willing to laugh at anyone and everyone around you. Hey, I see fat girls with a poor sense of dressing, I laugh. Feelings got scratched? Dress better next time. Friends, in addition, are not off limits either. In fact, you should laugh at them more and they should laugh with you.

#4. BE SARCASTIC

This component goes hand in hand with having a mean streak, especially if you are laughing at the fashionably-challenged or just challenged in a funny way. Being witty while being mean is a plus point. Saying a person is fat isn't funny. Saying that person looks like a whale, now that's funny.

#5. BE VAIN

You have to be vain if you are going to be a bitch. Be vain to show that you have what it takes to be a bitch but if you are born rich, then everyone around you would assume that you're a bitch already. Like me, I am vain because I am a bitch not because I am rich. Be vain about something on a smaller scale like your hair for example so that people would know if they ever try to chop it off, you'd be Adele turning tables.

#6. GLARE

Otherwise known as THE BITCH STARE. With lots of practice infront of the mirror, you will have that look. That look that screams BITCH whenever people see its. The Bitch Stare is a form of art and it wasn't until this year that I have perfected it. Now, whenever I gave THAT LOOK, THAT STARE, my friends knows that the bitch is coming out to say 'Hello...' That look is normally accompanied with the word 'DA FUK?' The Bitch Stare is also good when your friends are acting like an idiot or did something, you as a bitch would disapprove of.

THE TWO SUPREME BITCHES

The CONTROLLING Bitch VS. The MANIPULATIVE BITCH

No one likes the manipulative type so don't ever be that type. These are bitches who like to think that they have control but they really don't. They lie and scheme to try to get others to do their bidding, to get what they want and they are so easy to figure out. A true bitch, a controlling bitch already has such power over others and controls the situation in general that when he/she says JUMP, those around her would ask, 'how high?'. That kind of bitch need not lie, scheme or plot. They don't have to hide their intentions because people are either too afraid of them or they are just appreciative of them. It's always better to be a bitch that gets appreciation rather than fear.

Need help on being a bitch apart from all this? Check out DON'T TRUST THE BITCH IN APARTMENT 23.

"I'm not perfect, I'm no snitch but I can tell you she's a BITCH."

Oh well, so are you ready to be a bitch? I am gathering my armies of bitches, would you like to join?

If you were nodding and saying YES to my armies of bitches, then you are just asking for it. Asking for a bitch fit. Why would I need armies of bitches? Like I could save the world with it. BITCH, PLEASE.

THINGS I SAY.